Modesty – A Command, Not a Conviction.

Welcome Courtship Connection Readers!  So glad to have you!

A guest post from my oldest!



Modesty.  So often we skirt the issue (literally, but I will get to that later). We often gloss over it, make excuses, and tell each other that modesty is really a thing of the heart. While modesty starts in the heart, it doesn’t stop in the heart. Our appearance is a direct reflection of what is inside.

The truth is that we have been commanded to be modest. 1 Timothy 2:9-10 says I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.(NIV) This isn’t an area open to conviction. It isn’t an area that only applies only to those under 30, or those who are unmarried. 50 year olds and married women are called to be just as modest as a 15 year old. We are called to do all that we can to keep our brothers in Christ from stumbling on account of us.

So what does modesty encompass  exactly? Should we all wear baggy turtlenecks and poufy floor-sweeping skirts? Become nuns? Hey, if that’s your style, go for it! But in all seriousness, who is to say what is modest and is not?  I run a terrible risk in writing this post.  I will probably be accused of being too harsh by some and not modest enough by others.  I am not going to declare that you have to wear a skirt to be modest, or that a shirt has to have at least short sleeves. I am however, going to use this opportunity to share some things that I have learned in seeking the Lord and been taught by some super godly women in my life.

1.       Pray. If you are truly, and I do mean truly, seeking the Lord in this area and willing to open your heart to His Word, He will show you  things that aren’t pleasing to Him and things that are causing your brothers in Christ to stumble. Trust me! The Lord will make it quite clear to you. That uncomfortable or guilty feeling is almost always conviction (ask me how I know!).

2.       Ask a male in your life. By that I mean a father, brother, grandfather, or husband. Sorry, boyfriends do not count here. Have them evaluate your wardrobe with you. As males they will be able to tell you which pieces are immodest, or are going to have a negative effect on guys.

3.       Some things to avoid at all costs.

a.       Exposed bra straps, camisole straps, and underwear. Countless guys have shared that these are real issues for them. If we know it, why do we continue to ignore it? Why is it ok to have any of your underwear showing?

b.      Exposed midriffs. In other words, your shirt should cover your skin at all times. Besides, how many of us have stomachs worthy of showing off? =)

c.       Low neck-lines. We are all different.  A shirt that is modest on me might not be on you. Put on your shirts and evaluate them.  Are they too low? Can you bend over without being exposed? Can someone taller than you look down into them? Can you raise your arms without seeing your stomach?

d.      Short skirts and shorts. This one is hard. What so many girls and ladies don’t seem to realize is that skirts and shorts get shorter when you sit. That skirt that hits mid-thigh while you stand up is not going to stay there when you sit down. Same thing with shorts. I would encourage you to again ask a man in your life (see 2 for guidelines) what length he thinks is appropriate, keeping in mind that it is better to err on the side of caution. Make a "rule" for yourself, and use it in evaluating all your clothing. I decided long ago that I would not wear anything higher than right at or just above my knees. For me it was (and is) an easy way to make sure that I am being modest and I don’t have to worry about sitting down or bending over.

e.      Tight clothing and sheer/see-through clothing. The whole point of clothing is to cover your body. When we wear skin-tight clothing and sheer clothing we are defeating that purpose.  You might as well go out in your underwear. It also goes back to point a. If you can make out the color of your undergarments, or “un-mentionables,” as my brother calls them, you should re-think what you are wearing.

4.       It comes down to a simple question. Are you pleasing men, yourself, and the world, or are you pleasing God? Could you stand before Jesus in what you are wearing right now and feel absolutely no shame?

I know this post has the potential to ruffle some feathers. Quite honestly, I want it to. If we as Christians have gotten to the point where we no longer want to be convicted we have become lukewarm. As I write this I also want to make it clear that I am not God. (Although I am sure that is perfectly obvious.) I am still being convicted about clothes. I mess up. Sometimes I wear things that I later realize weren’t the best of choices. To be honest, I am still struggling with the issue of bathing suits. Just ask my mother and sister, who were both convinced that me sewing my own bathing suit/bathing skirt was going to be a disaster. (For the record, it turned out better than I had hoped.) Right now I am wrestling over why our standards are tossed out the window when we go swimming. The point is we have all messed up at one time or another, but Christ offers us forgiveness and a second chance.

Ladies, we have heard about modesty and we have talked about it. I think it is time to stop talking about it and time to start living it. Your second chance starts today.

This post is being linked today! (10/9/12) Make sure you take the time to visit Courtship Connection to see other posts in their Tuesday Link Up!