Friday, November 7, 2014

Crawling Out of the Pit- 52 weeks of family scripture memorizatioon

Psalm 139 is my favorite chapter of the Bible.  One day I hope to be able to memorize the whole thing.  The first time I heard it was while watching a VHS (remember those?) of Michael W. Smith in concert.  He prayed Psalm 139 and at the time I had no idea it was scripture.  I was in high school and I just remember thinking wow, what a prayer.  Years later, after being saved and while reading through the Bible, I ran across those familiar words.  It was like a revelation- I too could pray that prayer.

The whole thing speaks to me, but today I want to point you to two particular verses- 23 and 24.  In the NIV translation part of the verse reads "Try me and know my anxious thoughts."
So here goes for honesty...
I have had some pretty anxious thoughts lately.  Our family got very sick the day my husband left and have been sick since.  Four out of five of us have been down for the count and thank goodness the oldest was spared and is able to run a household.  A friend commented on how sorry she was because she knew how hard it was to be a mom and sick at the same time.  No worries- I haven't been a mom for the past week!  Just keeping it real!

I did however lay in a bed for 6 days straight.  And since then, I often head right back there after being up for more than an hour.   Pneumonia and bronchitis will do that to you.  Bed has become my place.  And it has given me a lot of time to feel anxious.

What if I get even sicker?
What if we cannot take care of ourselves?
What if we cannot get through this next year without my husband?
What if we misread God and should have retired instead?
What if...

I spiraled down into a pit of panic more and more everyday and realized I had the potential to take the kids right along with me.  Anxious thoughts have a way of doing that to you.  They affect you and they affect those around you.  They can cripple us with irrational fear.

And they are not from God.

I know that.  I tell friends that all of the time.  But man, when it is you going through a crisis, things can look very different.  You stop seeing truth and you hyper focus on lies.  And it grieves the Lord.

So my prayer for the past few days has been for God to know those thoughts (He does!) and help me take them captive (He can!) To help pull me out of this pit.  Because on my own I am not able.

But God is!

Our circumstances are not a surprise to God.  Depending on what you believe, at the very least He allowed them.  At the most, He orchestrated them.

I do not like the way my life looks right now.  Heck, I do not even like the way my heart looks right now.   I do not understand things.  And I feel like my sweet, simple life just got turned upside down and shaken. 

But minute my minute, and trust me when I say it has to happen about every minute, I am asking God to search my heart, find those anxious thoughts and help me move past them to crawl out of the pit of despair and into His everlasting truth and life.
If we can pray for you, please let us know.  Anxiety and despair are hard, but you do not have to suffer alone!

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1 comment:

  1. Oh Michele! I am so sorry you all have been sick. Lord, bring healing and comfort to Michele and her family. Calm her anxious heart and give her Your peace and hope for better days ahead. {{{{HUG}}}} I am praying for a better week and month for you all.


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