Learning to Count to Six Again- Our daughter's Change in College Plans

Have you heard the latest news at our house?  Our oldest daughter, a college junior, is coming home to finish her degree online.  Yep, like packed up all of the stuff in her dorm and moved back in with us.  I know, crazy, right?  As my husband said - we are learning how to count to six again, now that four kids are back in the house.

I want to tell you a little about the decision and how it came to be, but I want you to know from the very get go that this is MY side of the story and how her father and I see it.  I cannot speak for her, though I did get her permission to post this.  She will have to tell you her side of things next week.

My husband and I both went to college.  It was what one did then and what we grew up believing it was the norm. Therefore, as our oldest got closer to that age, we began planning her college future.  She dutifully took the ACT, CLEPed a few classes and dual credited her senior year here at home via online classes.  We, as in her parents and her, researched many colleges, visited a few, and then she chose one she felt was the best fit for her.  That being said, all the while this process took place, she kept telling us she would rather stay home.  We patted her on the hand, smiled, and then told her no.  She was young.  She was our first born.  She was timid and we felt she had a lot to learn and that she needed to do that out from under our roof.  And so out of obedience to us, she went away to school, entering as a sophomore because of the classes she had already taken online.

We stopped counting to six and started counting to five.  It was a hard transition. For all of us. Because we are a military family, we knew that no matter where she chose to attend she would not be close to "home."  She chose a school over 1,020 miles away. She got through her first year.  She would tell you it was not the most fun experience, but she proved to herself and to us she could do it. We were proud of her.  We saw our timid, first born child take her life in her hands and accomplish great things.  She made all A's except for a dreaded B in Ancient Biblical Greek (my bragging mom moment) and she grew by leaps and bounds.  She made friends that she will always cherish and she found out she was able.  She took classes that she loved and she managed to find joy in the little things.

But, in the end, we were ALL glad when summer came and she headed home.  All too quickly fall came again, but this time because of our recent move, we were now only 7 1/2 hours away from her. We told ourselves it would make all the difference in the world.  It did not.  Despite being closer to her and seeing her more often, my husband and I watched our bright, vibrant girl losing her joy.  Yes, she loved her friends at school and continued to excel in classes and even found her dream job sewing in the school's costume cottage, but on a whole the unhappiness seeped through.  Before even Thanksgiving we began to talk about the what-ifs.  What if she finished with an Associates degree now?  What if she transferred to a school that was closer?  What if we ended up moving even further away from her - then what?

There were so many things to process and decisions to be made.  Here is what it boiled down to -
Her joy is found in the home - cooking, sewing and helping around the house.  While that may not be the "popular" thing, it is who she is and what she loves.  Those are things not easily done in a small dorm room.
She found she could finish her BS degree online and possibly even a semester early.
She had honored her parents by going away to school because they felt she should, but not because she felt called to or wanted to.  She had accomplished that which we had asked of her, though in hind-sight we now will tell you she probably could have done all that at home as well.
She didn't need to go away to "find herself" or discover who she was or what she liked.  She knew those things already and quite frankly they were right here all along.
We knew if we stayed put in our current location, she could "make it through" for another year and a half, but if we moved there was no way she was going to want to be even further from us.
Sometimes mom and dad don't have the perfect plan or all of the right answers.  We are learning and growing too!  (please don't tell the younger three)

At that point her father said, "If she cannot see herself staying there if we move, then she does not need to stay there regardless of where we live.  No one should be miserable at school, except at the Air Force Academy."  ;)   Was she miserable? No, but pretty close and you get the point.  Staying just to stay was not the right answer for us or for her.  And so, when her semester finished, her hero daddy packed her up and helped bring her home.

Let me tell you where this has all landed us, other than having to learn to count to six again! ;)

We are overjoyed that she is home to stay for a while.  While I am thrilled that she went out of obedience to us, I feel a little guilty that that is why she went to college.  We have learned that there is more than one way to do things.  Yes, we knew that, but we obviously did not apply that in this situation.  Instead we followed what the world said was the thing to do.  Raise a kid until they are 17 or 18 and send them off.  Do not hear me wrong, we are not now rejecting the college path.  I am thankful even today that she will still get a college degree.  But, if asked, we do now acknowledge that there is, as my mom would say, more than one way to skin a cat.  Online classes work well for our daughter, and quite honestly would probably have been the best bet for her all along.  Every child is different and is called to something different.  That is also not to say that the past year and a half at school were wasted.  God works ALL things for our good and I do not think He wasted one minute of her past year and half at school.

Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see. 
-Corrie Ten Boom

I do think that she was on a good path that her father and I thought at the time would take her where she wanted to go.  We now see that that path was not only not quite where she wanted to go, but was also not the best path for her to take anymore.  Flexibly is not always this family's strong point but we are learning.

To trust God.  And to trust our daughter.  I think they are onto something.

And in the meantime, I am just glad to see the joy coming back as she not only spends time continuing to learn but doing the things that she loves with the people who love her best.

Hey, I not only got my girl back, but my seamstress, cook, and cleaner all in one!  What a deal!

I hope you will come back next week for her side of the story!

Blessings,